TESHO - Turn your not so great marriage into a thrilling one!


All Learning Modules


Communication in the family

Communication is the means by which you express your feelings and thoughts. Your partner is not a magician to know what you are thinking and feeling.

Effective communication techniques in the family have to be learned by the family team.

There are words that hurt and destroy in the same way that there are words that build and uplift. Very few families are aware of the difference. Even if they are aware of the difference, they have not been motivated to make the effort to consistently choose positive communication that heals.

Non verbal communication takes many forms. Attentive listening is a complex skill that family members need to learn and practice on a daily basis.

Many a small argument in the home has led to fist fights and injuries simply because the family members had never learned attentive listening communication skills.


TESHO expressions of praise and gratitude

Many relationships in the family die and shrivel up because of the lack of the fertilizing power of praise and gratitude on such relationships.

There is more to expressions of praise and gratitude in the home than “oh thanks”, “that’s fine”, “just keep it over there” or “you could have done better”.

Children are dying to hear parents express effusive praise for their little acts of contributing to the well being of the family.

Husband and wife are dying to hear each other express praise and gratitude for their efforts in making the family the winning team.


TESHO financial management

It is not the lack of money that causes problems in the home. Rather it is the lack of team spirit financial management that wrecks havoc with the marriage.

The wife learns how to judiciously budget what she is given to run the house.

She learns to appreciate what she is given, knowing that her husband is not an ATM(Automatic Teller Machine) where she can punch a button and money will come out.

In many contexts most men manage their money as a solo act. Same goes for a working or business wife.

TESHO helps couples realize that there is more joy in managing money as a team than selfishly managing one’s money and resources.


TESHO for parents and children especially parents and teenagers

Babies do not come with instruction manuals. How frustrating for parents. In sub-Saharan Africa, many parents manifest the parenting skills they grew up with. They will scold and beat young children to obey orders. Of course these youngsters scurry around to obey because they are afraid of the cane. Then they grow up into teens with powerful rippling muscles. The parents take one look at these giants and realize that the beating days are definitely over. That is when they need TESHO teenage parenting lessons so they can build team spirit with their teens. As they apply the TESHO skills, the relationship they develop with their teens takes on new meaning. They discover a friend, ally and helper in their teen.


Tesho for the couple that is waiting to be blessed with a child

When a couple is anxious to have a child, the waiting period can be hard on the marriage. Without TESHO, they will start playing the blame game. They might blame each other, blame their family members, blame their in-laws or other situations. Everywhere they look, they see the hand of witches and wizards in their childlessness. Friends and family might try to give advice out of a genuine desire to help or just separate them. This friends may ask them to try other partners to see if they can achieve a pregnancy. In many contexts, a childless husband is easy prey to girls who want to trap him. He just need to have sex with the girl once, for her to announce to him a few months latter that he is the father of her unborn child. Without DNA testing to prove the paternity of her child, she is the only one who knows the real father. So wives also try to achieve a pregnancy with other men leading to emotional and physical consequences. Imagine husband and wife going out to look for a pregnancy only to come back with HIV/AIDS.

TESHO teaches couples to build team spirit while waiting to be blessed with a child. TESHO recognizes that it is not easy to wait. The couple can look for resources in their community – specialist doctors, prayer pastors, prayer friends and support groups. If they do not develop the TESHO skills to keep their marriage together while they wait, they might wake up to realize that they do not have a warm marriage on to which to welcome their bundle of joy A.K.A their baby. After the baby comes, divorce follows in quick succession. This is because, while the marriage was floundering on the rocks, they had mistakenly thought that their problems were due to the childlessness. They naively thought that all their marital problems will be resolved with the arrival of the baby.

A baby has never fixed a bad marriage, TESHO is what yields a thrilling fulfilling marriage into which the baby will came to find peace and joy.

This module has been Inspired by: FC MOKOKO of Communication Department Buea, Presbyterian Church in Cameroon


TESHO for the single /working parent

Many parents have a feeling of guilt when they have to leave their kids for others to take care of.

They have to juggle the role of single parent with that of a worker.

To have effective work/life balance as a single working parent is not easy.

TESHO helps them accept their situation and seek for resources in their company or communities that can help them achieve work/life balance.


TESHO for the working or business couple

Without TESHO, two incomes can lead to four headaches.

It is only just about some one hundred years ago that women started going into the work place full time. Many men and women have a hard time adjusting to this gender role change. A man married to a business or working wife may feel insecure and vulnerable

Working or business wives have a harder time convincing their husbands that they really do need them since these husbands suspect every move their wives make. These husbands often think that since their wives are financially independent, they do not need them for anything else.

TESHO will help them realize that they are team mates and they can pool their resources together to become a formidable force or winning team.


TESHO prenuptial

Without TESHO prenuptial preparation, a young starry-eyed bride will have a rude awakening when she realizes a few years down the road that her prince charming is not so charming after all.
In the same way, the young groom may start thinking his princess was exchanged at the altar for a wild cat.
Those preparing to get married have to get some things right before the “I do”.
They need to learn how to manage money, in-law, step-children, career, chores and many other aspects that constitute a marriage and living together as a family. Marriage is not about romance or living happily ever after. That is the stuff of fairytales. However, prenuptial understanding will lead to living happily most of the time.
The society should understand that without TESHO prenuptial preparation, a marriage that started off in passion land will rapidly end up in coldest Siberia, the land of irrecoverable. The society is bound by duty to help young people find harmony in their relationships because healthy relationships are the building blocks of a healthy society.


TESHO reconciliation

There is more to reconciliation in the family than “Quit sulking okay”? or “why are you carrying on and on after I had said “it is alright”?

Lack of effective reconciliation can lead to hard feelings that fester into animosity and divorce or worse unfaithfulness and HIV.

A happy marriage and thrilling marriage is not one where there are not conflicts but rather one where the family members have learned to resolve conflicts like a winning team. In a Tesho workshop, altitudes of reconciliation in addition to the right words are taught. Tone of voice, facial expression, and body language speak volumes during reconciliation.


TESHO Sexuality

Sex has had poor publicity with the advent of STDs, HIV/AIDS. Children hardly hear anything positive about sex yet they recognize that the feelings they have for members of the opposite sex are feelings of pleasure. How do they reconcile these feelings of pleasure with the doomsday messages that they get from their parents and pastors? After all the years of presenting scary messages about sex, HIV/STDs, we finally have to accept the fact that human sexuality is something that human beings cannot do without.

TESHO sexuality gives a balanced holistic view of sexuality.

Many adults in our context do not even have the faintest idea that women and men are very different beings when it comes to sexuality. They have different needs in the relationship. These needs have to be met before they can satisfy each other in a mutually thrilling and fulfilling sexual relationship.

Living happily ever after exists only in romance novels.

A good marriage does not fall from the sky. Husband and wife need to work through the TESHO modules to achieve holistic sexual satisfaction.

It is a full time job to achieve a thrilling and fulfilling marriage where sex is great most of the time (not all the time; great sex all the time is reserved for a few fortunate couples and for writers of romance novels).


TESHO tips on how to resolve in-law and step-children conflicts

Wife-mother-in-law wars are the kinds of war that know no winners. Such wars know only casualties and the first casualty may be the darling husband/son.

Step-children never forgive the new parent for taking the place of their biological parent even if the poor current parent was not on the scene when the biological parent divorced or died. It is a question of emotional ties and the absent biological parent is raised to the status of a saint in the child’s mind.

TESHO explains many facts to the parents, in-laws and step children so that they can begin to build meaningful relationships.


TESHO for the working or business couple

The husband is the team captain of the family team.

He scores the goals for the family because he is the one who provides for the family. Even if his wife is working too, he still carries the mental load of seeing that the family is taken care of. However, without a capable coach to bring out the talents in him, he will almost never be a winning team captain or successful husband. To play well, the team captain needs cheering from the crowd and unwavering cheer leading support from the coach A.K.A wife (home advantage).

The wife is the coach of the family team. Her role is very important but different from that of her husband the team captain. An astute coach knows that if there is stress around her team captain, it will be difficult for him to score the goals for their team. The wife/mother is the natural nurturer or coach. She is so versatile that she changes coaching tactics according to the situation her family finds itself in. In that way her family team can become the winning team.

The kids are the star players. When they know through word and action from their parents that they form an integral part of the family team, they refrain from many forms of antagonism towards their parents. The members of the family team begin to realize that they do not need to fight each other since they are all members of the same team. They then resolve problems as a team knowing that their final objective is to become the winning team.

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